I am standing at the crossroads looking at all the directions and still not able to decide which way to go. When I look back, I look at the good and the bad experiences of my life and how foolish I have had been at most of the times just for the sake of saving the relationships that I think I had and yet I am all by myself standing at the end and still figuring out the next road I wish to take on.
It all looks so materialistic and fake when I look at people around, so busy in their lives, running towards expectations, deadlines, needs, conveniences, and thinking about ways to make someone else happy. They think by making that one person happy is going to make them happy too, but the irony is, the more we try to make the other person happy, the more we become empty and alone from deep inside.
At times I think, “Why I am putting so much effort in making things happy and beautiful for the people around?”, “Why after doing so much, I still feel sad and left alone?”, “What’s the point of doing so much, when I have to scream to let them know I am hurt?”, “I love her and yet I do not receive the same vibration from her”, “Why I have to be someone else just to be accepted and seen by her?”.
The most difficult and hurting part is to hear that the other person does not feels the same way as you do for her, and yet you try to console yourself with the hope that someday, things will change and the other person will come back to you.
When I reached that point, I asked myself is it worth to wait?, Is it worth that I should hold myself each day and think about her with the hope of getting her back in my life?, what if she never feels for me and I am standing with a false hope to be with her in future?
One side of my heart thought, it’s always worth the wait for the person you love and to be accepted by her, and from the other, my conscious mind said to me, what if she does not comes back to you for the rest of your life?
Instead of looking at my heart and my mind, I started thinking why there was a disconnect between me and her and where I got distracted and reached a conclusion that I am in love with her and she also has the same feelings for me. I know it would look very different and unfamiliar to you to think that way, but I did and here is what I found out
It is always better to express with respect in your heart, at the time when it comes to you, without worrying about what the other person would think about you. When the words are said in respect, it creates humbleness in your voice and other person would feel happy to know that you said what was in your heart and did not pretended or acted otherwise.
Keeping the feelings inside and living with them, over a period of time creates an illusion, which make us believe in things that do not exist in real. We tend to over care, be available all the time for the other person, become more accommodating than others and we always try to show the best of ourselves. By doing all this I only complicated my own life, created more distractions, made my routine haywire, became more busy than ever before and just kept on pushing myself from one corner to the other.
When you are driven by your own thoughts, you just skip the clues that nature gives to you at times, letting you know that you walking in the wrong direction and you are not seeing the truth. I felt I went too fast in my thoughts and I did not expressed myself in time to know about her thoughts and feelings about me. I still remember those conversations that made me think that there was something, between us, but I was wrong as it was not love, but a feeling of having a good friend around.
It took me sometime, and i decided to UnLove so that I could also have the same vibration as hers. Having a good person around is a blessing one can have and walking with that person matters the most rather than being in love or being a good friend. I had to choose to let that person go away from my life or to become a better human being and walk with harmony with her. It’s not that easy, to walk on the path of UnLoving someone whom you had loved that person for so long in your life. It’s worth it.
Love is not about how much I care for you, how much I want to be with you, how much I want you in my life. It’s also not about how much I am dependent on you, and also not about I cannot live my life without you.
Love is about accepting each other’s vibrations. It’s about acknowledging each other’s thoughts no matter how different or weird they are. Love is about walking together on the path which is unknown, unseen and full of challenges and surprises. It is about trusting each other and learning together. It is about realising the inner strength of each other and knowing to become aware and contended. Love is about creating happiness for oneself and letting the other person be a part of that feeling. Love is about taking care of the other person so that you don’t have to take care of yourself.